Codename: One Who Saves - Part 3

The Balancing Act made Live

Truly coming to an understanding of self, I knew what it was that made me feel like I had a purpose, and that I was making people's lives easier, better, or simply adding some kind of value. It was the only thing I was probably good at... even if there was not any emotional connection between me and the person, I was almost compelled to help those less fortunate than myself. It was so bad that my Mother would sometimes call me a "Good Friday Bobolee" it's a 'Trinidadian' slang for a pushover, but she would, most of the time praise me for my good heart.

The fact that I knew how to add value, although a power perceived only for good, I did at times use it to my advantage. "How so?" people may ask, after all I'm helping people. Well in terms of females I would usually offer myself in the same mannerisms of friendship and, while I would be there for them, help them, and attempt to be their "knight in shining armour" I was just getting them to like me. This technique would have been used on multiple girls at a time, and at times I would find myself in a race against my own pride. I became so cocky that I honestly believed, that with my system, I could get any girl to like me. Bear in mind that I am 12 years old coming to this conclusion.

However, when crossed into teenage years, I started to wonder why it is that my system would work. It was then I started to become obsessed with the mind and how people thought. But in my mind, the only way that this could happen is if I expose myself to as much personalities as I could; already being a person with a sense of humour, and fairly unemotional I was able to get into many different roles and not get attached to any single personality. I was having a blast, I was able to identify with anyone, older girls were amazed at how mature I was, hard-to-get girls were amazed at how I ignored them, heart-broken girls were amazed at how nice I was and the list goes on. A lot of guys didn't like me...BUT who cared?

Of course this "talent" came with a price. The price: I had no idea who I truly was for a moment. I would, almost every time, look in the mirror and have no idea who I was staring at. This was not in a manner of my emotions being conflicted. But I allowed myself to be so faceless that I would ask, Who are you? to the mirror.

Luckily, I was able to return to myself, however, traces of this power were left in my mind and would manifest on a later date.

As the months went by I started to seriously question who I was and what I stood for. Some bad things began to happen in my immediate environment. Violence, selfishness and death. I thought "Are my actions causing this?" How could it? Am I a bad person - It can't be.

Then I met her (whose name I shall not mention). What did she offer me? Love - Maybe, Pleasure - Surely, Religion - Somewhat, Torture - Absolutely, but Awakening - Definitely.

With her I understood that the reason I had lost myself - was mainly because, my environment dictated my personality. Now this is something we see everyday, but how many of us are truly aware of it?

From here, my life's digression is complete... I would, throughout my entire journey, always comeback to my centre which is helping people, trying to save the world, trying to make a difference.

I was happiest when I would make, someone smile... and that, to me, was obvious.

I ended up finding the path that I must follow, and yes knowing the path is different from walking it. The road is tough and although this blog series was a bit more personal that even I would like, I thought it would be necessary to know (a summary of) where I've been to know why I'm going, where I'm going.

I do stray at times, not drastically, but nevertheless my morals are deeper and more basic than most would like to imagine. And all things survives on the basics - it's the foundation that counts.

So Back on track after my personal recap... But on my next Blog (not post but blog) I'll be a bit more personal in terms of my writing and expand on my story. And with that I now return to the journey...

until next time:

Change the world
Change thyself